Monday, May 12, 2008

Irony, Thy Name Is Green Bean.

I am sitting here almost force feeding my kids green beans. Why? Because they live on a steady diet of chicken nuggets, fries, goldfish crackers and various forms of fruit. At one point they ate vegetables, but that time has long since past. I realize that I could have it much worse, however, the total lack of any non-fried vegetable in their diet is starting to get to me. I don't want to have one of those kids that refuses to eat vegetables through adulthood and never knows the power of a crunchy stir fry.

Thus, I went to Kroger and filled my cart with an assortment of small canned vegetables. I know that fresh would taste better, but while my mind may contain high ideas of growing my own veggies in a lovely picketed garden, I'm also a whole lotta lazy. So, with a pantry full of green beans, peas, carrots, corn and some other thing I can't remember, I began my quest.

This evening Tot and Little David were driving my bananas. B-A-N-A-N-A-S. What had started out as a beautifully lazy day, was winding down into a directly-disobeying-spankings-flying night. So I popped on my Unsinkable Mommy hat, and pinned the kids in the hall to their rooms with a baby gate. I told them that we were playing restaurant and while I, the cook, made dinner they needed to play. Tot, of course, wanted to order. She ordered Chicken Nuggets (suprise.) and I said that tonights specialty was Tasty Tasty Mac and Cheese. With squeals of glee at having such an exotic dinner, the kids fled into their rooms. Well, at least until they bugged me every five minutes asking when dinner was served.

Taking this as a sign that they might be adventurous tonight, I added on to their plates some pineapples and some green beans. When the kids were seated ("This way, Madam Tot. This way, Monsieur Bubba.") I told them that their side dishes were Pineapple Delight and Buttery, Bacony, Beans. I let each one squirt a little butter and drop a pinch of bacon bits on to the green beans. Dude, I was in like Flynn.


Apparently, no amount of calorie free butter and faux bacon bits will disguise the fact that a green bean is, in fact, a green bean. So, I resorted to out and out Because I Said So. "If you eat two green beans, I will give you some more Mac and Cheese. Tot, quit licking the green bean. Tot, seriously, knock it off. Just put the thing in your mouth and start eating. Taylor Dawn Chapman, you stop messing around and eat that bean Because I Said So!".

I'm pretty sure that I have yet to instill that intrinsic love of vegetables.

But Unsinkable, you say, where is the irony you spoke of in the title? Well, dear readers, I'm afraid it's less irony and more hypocrisy because I hate, hate, green beans. I will not eat them, no matter who serves them and how impolite I am being by not eating them. I will put them on my plate, but they won't touch any of the rest of my food. They are nasty little beans soaked in green evil. And no, butter and bacon do nothing to mask the taste of evil.

And so, tonight I find myself force feeding my Tot the very bean I have come to loathe in the name of giving her good life long eating habits. I'm pretty sure that instead I have just sent her to Vegetable Therapy.


Jill said...

Hey. I have a thought that we do with our kids sometimes. Do they respond to charts and rewards? I made up a little chart, and have them put a sticker on it for every fruit or veggie they eat during the day. Then, after they fill up the whole thing they get a present. They love it. And when I stop doing it, they will sometimes ask for it. i wrote about it on my nutrition blog. Here is the link -
Oh, and I leave it black and white and have them color the fruits and veggies themselves (thus saving on ink and getting them involved in the process). Good luck!

Nicole McIntyre said...

Four words: Low Sodium Soy Sauce. While I am a lover of green beans, my son is less than thrilled with them. Nathan stir fries them with soy sauce and some other delightful ingredients that I'm not positive on, and the whole family is fighting over them like candy.

I have the hypocrisy problem with cooked carrots. Can't stand them, but make B eat them. Thankfully, for the most part he likes them.

April Spicer said...

Noah really responds to dessert. If we say "We'll give you a few bites of ice cream if you take 3 more bites of those veggies" then he happily obliges. Maybe you've tried that??

Becky said...

i also detest a green bean. will not put them into any sort of casserole...except i CAN eat the version of GB cass that my mama makes and that is saying a LOT, friend. look on my blog and find the recipe. hers has velveeta in it. that may help the tot and david on the next go round. and you know i am feeling your pain on the picky eating/no veggies front. i wish mine even ate mac n cheese. now THAT's a tough crowd. we also live on the cracker diet. i'm prayin that the Lord loves me and blesses me with a little girl who will eat the table if that's all that is left!

Donielle said...

My mom totally did that with me and peas. She hated peas! Yet I couldn't leave the table one night till I tried it. A half hour later, with just one now very cold pea, I finally gobbled it down just to gag it back up. Never did grow a liking to peas. :-)