So, lately I've been feeling a little...what's the word...jumbled. And a little aimless. For the past few years I've had a pretty good routine going and while the particulars changed, the general flow did not. Dave left for work at 6 am every day for five years and returned home at 5:30pm every day as well. I've watched another child for one or two days out of the week and I've had Tot in preschool or waiting to be in preschool. I was pregnant or nursing a good deal of the time and we moved once and then decided that we were probably in this house to stay. But now, well, everything is different.
Dave works from home and travels part of each week, which means that when he's home I get to see a lot of him but when he's gone, he is gone. He rarely travels more than a day a week, which is fine by me, and we've adjusted to this much better than I thought. He loves his job and is generally happier than he was before. Until September I'll only be watching another child a handful of times and then none at all, like, ever. I'm neither pregnant nor nursing, and we've decided that we're going to move in about five years. Not exactly a rapid time line, but still a different perspective. And finally, Dave and I have solidified our plans to home school, which effectively rules out preschool (I know, I've totally not said anything about that on here, but we've still been in discussion mode and I felt it was smarter to give you all our actual thought out plan instead of our blow by blow discussions on how we planned to do this...but anyways).
So, you know how when you have certain parameters you plan your day accordingly? Well, before I had very specific, constant parameters and now I feel like I have none. Dave pops in and out most of the day and I have no day of the week where anything has to be done regularly. There is no major life event to be planning for and I'm just kind of spinning my wheels here. I mean, there are always things to be done, like laundry (sigh.) and dishes, but there isn't a driving force right now. There isn't something that I am constantly aware of, planning for, and working towards.
Intellectually I know that I am raising children to be adults, focusing on giving them the skills they will need, and making sure that they are grounded in their faith before they leave. I mean, it's not like I'm doing nothing. I feel a very strong calling to be at home, and Dave and I both felt a strong calling to home school (not something I expected, by the way). So, I know that I am currently where I need to be. I feel zero desire to go off and get a paying job away from home and even less of a desire to go conquer any mountains of importance. I'm good where I'm at.
I guess, the issue here is more along the lines of how I am to pursue all these things that I'm sure I am supposed to do. I had a decent handle on it before (read: not a daily failure, more like a weekly disaster), and now I'm a little out of sorts. How does God want me to order my days now that everything is different? What should this season in my life look like, and how do I pursue His goals and will in the most joyful and efficient way possible?
Are any of you dealing with this same jumbledness? I keep coming back to the phrase "season of life" (also, the expression does not lose its cheesiness the more I type it. I thought it would...) and I know that mine has changed. It's certainly not worse, I'm kind of loving it, I just need to get a better handle on the rules and how best to enjoy it, yeah?