Monday, September 22, 2008

A Letter To My Former Favorite Starbucks Drink.

Dear Tall Peppermint Java Chip Frappachino,

Friend, we've been together a long time. It's been you and me for at least 3 years and I don't know what I would have done without you. That cool, crisp first impression, the way you always perked me up and drove me to keep moving on, no matter the circumstance. I've told countless people how important you are to me. I've even blogged about you! Surely you know how much you mean to me. You've gotten me through those tough times when I was pregnant and exhausted, when the kids were teeny tiny and I didn't know if I'd make it another day without going some kind of crazy. You were always there for me. I'll never forget that.

However.

I think we've reached an impasse in our relationship. I just think we both want different things, you know? You have this rich, decadent lifestyle going on and there's totally nothing wrong with that, I'm just wanting to move in a different direction. Of course I'll still see you! How could you even think I wouldn't? I just won't be around as much. Maybe once or twice in the summer.

No, there's no one else. Really. I'm just wanting to have a little alone time.

Seriously.

Okay, there is someone else. We've only just started to hang out more, it's nothing serious. Really, it's no big deal. It's just, well, you can be a little frosty sometimes and...no, no I understand that's just part of who you are and I know how you feel about me...I just need a little more warmth.

Well, fine. It's a latte. Are you happy now? I didn't want to make this into some big thing, I was trying to be nice. I'm seeing the Tall Chai Tea Latte, no fat, sugar free syrup. I just...connected. I'm sorry if this hurts you, but that's just the way it is. Shut up about their name already, okay? That's not who they are! They are much more down to earth than you are making it sound. I'm not trying to be some one else, I just need a little change. A calmer partner. A warmer, maybe better for me relationship.

Anyways, I'm sorry to do this, but well, it had to be done. I'll see you later, okay? We'll keep in touch.

~UK

8 comments:

Robin said...

Hilarious!!! I love the Chai Tea Latte as well...until they start coming out with the Pumpkin Spice latte for the holiday that is! hahaha

By the way, I have been informed that there is no "Hoe Down", no square dancing...just a western night. It will still be fun, but not quite as funny I guess! Explain when you get here!

Beth said...

Hang in there, it will get better!
I need to introduce you to my friend Pumpkin Spice Latte. He's easy to warm up to, and there's no long term commitment, because he only passes through once a year. Just long enough to leave you wanting more.

Luke said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Luke said...

Oh, you have hurt the soul of the Java. He will never recover, will likely never find love again. How could he, after losing such a lover as you?

Not that I care much, since I'm far more interested in the smooth curves of the Grande Carmel Frappuccino. I'm just feeling the pain of a lover spurned.

~Luke

Emily said...

Starbucks chai is my all time favorite drink. I can't live without it. I found it at Target the other day in a box like Oregon Chai. But, it's WAY better. I drank the whole box in a couple of days, I'm way addicted.

Tiffany said...

Tall Peppermint Java Chip Frappachino passed me a note during homeroom and he is NOT happy with you. Just so you know. I hope you look rockin' at Homecoming to rub it in his face because, frankly, I never thought Tall Peppermint Java Chip Frappachino was good enough for you anyway.

Scott said...

You can buy the Chai mix at your local Barnes & Noble cafes and make them yourself at home. All the live-long day!

Sarah said...

UNSINKABLE KRISTEN CHAPMAN!

So YOU'RE the other woman! I knew my Chai was sneaking around...especially after I saw a different shade of lipstick on his lid.

Well, if it has to be anybody, I'm glad it's you.

(And I was totally waiting for you to tell your ex-Frap that "it's not you, it's me.")