Friday, October 31, 2008

Interview With The Tot

UK: Tell me about crocodiles, Totly.
T:
It's about this. Their hearts, they can be dead with dead hearts. (makes dead face) You know about crocodiles, they can be endangerous. You know about dangerous means? Dangerous means that you always be careful around this crocodile that has green eyes and sharp teeth. Um, black eyes. Crocodiles have eyes just like people. But they don't have ears. Mommy, the deal is, you should always be careful around crocodiles so you have to be careful. Because they're endangerous. Because they have teeth, just like us, see? You should always be careful because crocodiles will bite. Teeth go back and forth.

UK: Hmm. Okay. Tell me about another animal.
T: I want to talk about crocodiles.

UK: Okay, tell me more about crocodiles.
T: That thing on that side is called a Coraneos. Coraneos is another word for Crocodile. It's a chinese word and a spanish word. (starts singing in a kindof spanish/english sing song voice about crocodiles, I think half of the words were actually spanish and the other half were made up. But she watches Dora and Diego more than I do, so she could actually be very accurate.)

T: So Mommy, you tell me about crocodiles.
UK: I think you've covered it all, Tot.

T: How about you read me a book about ants?
UK: That sounds good.

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Thankful Thursday

So I've been feeling a little... anxious the past few days because of some things and I can't think of a better way to get my head back in the game than by writing out all the things I'm thankful for. It seems that when I get all twirly and thinking about things that I have no control over and that I desperately want control over, I get uptight and stressed and unfocused. And then being that way just makes me more anxious, which helps nothing. I'm thinking that by enumerating all the fabulous things that I have going on right now will make the things that are stress inducing seem not as important or worth my many thoughts and will thus tamp the crazy back down to manageable levels.

And so, once again, I give you....Thankful Thursday.

1. I am thankful for the donut that I am eating at this very moment while I type one handed.

2. I am thankful for Little David crying in the middle of the night last night and then when I got to him, saying "Snuggle you, Mommy. Here." Could you not just die?

3. I am thankful that I got some pretty sweet face wash samples in the mail yesterday. They are the kind that much more expensive than I would usually buy, so it's been fun trying them out.

4. I am thankful that Dave will be home today. I miss my pal!!!

5. I am thankful that I woke up this morning with two, count them, two kids in my bed. Nothing like thinking you're going to get a whole bed to yourself for a night and then waking up to octopus limbs all over you and a few fingers in your eye. No really, it's sweet. Love those warm, sweaty bodies all up in my grill.

I'm going to have to do that one over, aren't I?

5. I am thankful that I have a big bed.

6. I am thankful that my sister in law, Laura Beth, came over yesterday to hang out while Dave was out of town and brought me Starbucks. That's how you know you got a pretty sweet deal out of the whole in law thing.

7. I am thankful for my Mom and my friends, who understand when I am being all twirly and dramatic and just let me go on until I run out of steam and then give me very good advice.

8. I am thankful that throughout the anxious time, I have still managed to lose 5 pounds. My friend and I decided that we were going to lose 10 pounds by Thanksgiving and I am usually a stress eater, so I'm thankful I'm not doing that. Well, except for the donut. And the Chick Fil A two days ago.

9. I am thankful that I get to go play Bingo this weekend!!!! My friend, Diana, is moving to Arizona soon (sigh.) and we're having one last girls night before she goes. We're going to go get an early bird dinner at Logan's Roadhouse (the establishment that serves the yummo drink I am partaking of in my header) and then we are going to go to the Bingo hall and play until the wee hours of the night. Strong.

10. I am thankful that the weather is fantastic today and that the kids will get to play outside and that we'll all get a good dose of Vitamin D.



See? Already feeling better.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Because I Think It's Kindof Funny

Here is a pictorial essay of my trip to Colorado, as seen in pictures I took of myself.

It seems I have a problem.














I know, at some point it gets a little ridiculous, but I can't seem to stop myself! Do you think they have a group or meeting for this?

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

The Colorado Trip: In No Particular Order

So, the Colorado trip. It was awesome. I mean, awesome. There was gorgeous weather, incredible mountains, lots of fun family time playing games and hanging out in the hotel room. I always mean to give some cute anecdotal post about a handful of funny things that happened while I was away, but in the end too much fun stuff happened and I'm pretty tired. Vacation rocks, but cleaning up after one can sure take awhile (see: piles of clothes and suitcases that I have yet to remedy). Anyways, here are some of the pictures, can you even believe how pretty it is there???


Some giant rock in Arizona. Dave and I wanted to go see it, but apparently it's just in some guys backyard. Seriously.


The rock dwellings at Mesa Verde National Park. Um, awesome.


Again, the dwellings. Also, it was freezing at the top when I took this picture, but once we got down there it was almost hot.


The fam, right before we took a "strenous hike" down to the dwellings.
Tot and Little David called them "Indian Castles". Hilarious.


Dave and Tot at the highest point in Mesa Verde, 8,500ish feet.


Dave, Tot and I at the same point.


Pretty sure this is the same high point.


Laura Beth (Dave's sister, for those of you who don't know me personally) and I cheesing it up at some summit that we came across in between Durango and Silverton. Prior to this we were both taking pictures of ourselves for our blogs. :)


Dave and I at that same summit. You know, I'm sensing a theme here.
Go high places, take picture.
Also, that is totally a snow covered mountain top in the background. It was glorious.


Laura Beth and I taking another cheeser. We like to do this.


Dave and I, also taking a cheeser. We also like to do this.


The kiddos. I know. Could you not just die? They slept in the same bed all week (and did great, I might add) and one night Dave's mom found them like this when she checked on them. Ugh, how absolutely cute.


My David in Little David's Thomas the Train costume. We went on this wicked cool steam train ride (can you use the phrase "wicked cool" when describing a train ride?) that took us through all the fall colored mountains in to a pumpkin patch with all the Charlie Brown characters and lots of fun stuff for the kids to do. It was totally awesome and gorgeous weather. Little David, my lover of all things train, almost died from sheer happiness.

The fam with Snoopy and Charlie at the patch.


The train ride.


The kids at this "Homegrown" festival, eating apples. It was a super cute festival and the kids got to paint pumpkins and everything. However, frankly, with all the hackysack playing (not even kidding) and tie die wearing I wasn't sure if there weren't a few people harboring other "homegrown" items....


And finally, because no picture post would be complete without it, and because I took probably 30 of these, here is a picture I took of myself :)

Monday, October 27, 2008

Hmmm...

So that whole "update with pictures" thing is going to have to wait. Apparently, I took over 500 pictures on our Colorado trip (yeah, now that I have a 2G memory card I apparently have no boundaries) and it's taking a bit of forever to upload. So the Colorado post will have to wait.

Instead I will give you a bullet point list (re: total cheat post) on why I'm feeling great today.


1. Little David asked to use the potty TWICE today and DID IT. I know!! Maybe he will be potty trained a full two years before his sister was.

2. Tot wrote the numbers 1 - 4 from memory, wrote the numbers 1 - 10 during copy work, read the words CAT, SAT, and BAT and now officially recognizes all the upper and most of the lower case letters in the alphabet, along with most of their sounds.

3. It's frickin' freezing, Frankenstein, sitting at about 48 degrees this morning. That is nuts. It's also rather delightful having us all snuggled up in warm clothes and thinking about warm food to eat. I think that I will make grilled cheese and soup.

4. I am currently eating a tootsie roll from the bag of candy that I bought to give out at Halloween. If that bag lasts till Halloween it will be a miracle. Those tootsie rolls are delicious.

5. I walked 6 miles this weekend. I was going to try to walk 3 miles everyday, but with Dave's travel schedule that just isn't going to fly this week. So instead, I will focus on just doing some kindof exercise each day. Regardless, I feel pretty stoked that I'm starting something.


So that's why I'm feeling good. Stay tuned for the totally rad Colorado post. Because really, what's better than looking at someone else's vacation photos??

Good Mornin', Mornin'

Hello Sunshine! Wake up, sleepy head! Why did you move that bojangle clock so far away from the bed? Just one more minute. That's why I love you. One more hug or twoooooo. Do you love wakin' up next to me as much as I love wakin' up next to you?

Er...sorry about that. Little family wakeup song going on there.


Anyways! I'm back! We had a great vacation and I feel ready to face the regular routine with much gusto and suave-ness. Speaking of which, I have a pretty good list of things I have to get moving on before I post the update (with pictures) that you have all been waiting on. I know, I know, the nerve of me getting household chores done before I blog. What a slacker. Here's where you stand:

8am - Breakfast & Dress
9am - Clean/Laundry/Vacuum
10am - School: Reading with both kids
10:30am - School: Practice sheets with Tot
Cartoon time for Little David
11am - Play time/Blog & Email Check <------ This is you!!!
12pm - Lunch time
1pm - Nap time


See? I promise that I have made time for you, I just have to do a few things first. Anyways, I'll see you all back here later this morning!

Enjoy your other blog surfing.

Well, don't enjoy it too much. Wouldn't want you to stray and all.

Friday, October 24, 2008

Back In The Day Posts

I'll be out of pocket this week, enjoying some cooler weather and a handful of mountains, so for your reading enjoyment, this week I'll be posting some of my archives from my very first year of blogging, circa 2005. Well, okay, not circa, exactly 2005. Anyways...

October 19, 2005 (after the announcement that I was expecting Little David)

Things I Have Learned About My Tot:

I was thinking about the Bean today, and I started to worry that I just wouldn't be able to handle two babies. I mean, The Tot will only be 21 months old and I am just one person. Two babies under two means these things:

Potty Training while Breastfeeding.
Double Dirty Diaper Duty until said Potty Training is complete.
Two cribs, Two highchairs, Two Strollers (or a double), Two gillion pacifiers.
Two babies who can't speak full thoughts.
Two babies who need Mommy's hugs and loves and constant attention.

Sigh.

But then I thought again. Who is this stinker thinker??? Surely not The Unsinkable!! The Unsinkable can overcome any trial, after all, what does anyone need except not to be sunk? So I began thinking of the things I had learned since the Tot's arrival. I've learned so much! And when you inventory what is now second nature to you, it makes doing it again much less scary. So, here is what I know:

I now know how to change a diaper. No kidding, I had never done it on a baby before Tot.
I know that when Tot purses her lips she is hiding something in her mouth. Usually a piece of dirt or carpet. Sometimes she finds leaves. I don't know where from.
I know that when Tot stares you down, she is most likely pooping. Afterwards, she smiles. But really, who doesn't??
I know that you can give Tot a bottle before bed, but only one. If she drinks anymore there's gonna be a blowout come morning. No one likes waking up to that.
I know that if I hold something in my mouth, like a spoon, she will toddle up to me and take it from me with her mouth. She will then hand it back to me to repeat.
I know that if she has a nightmare, all she needs is for my to hold her and rock and give her a pacifier.
I know that she is sleepy when she starts to walk to me, stops, sinks to the ground and just lays there for a bit.
I know that if I turn my back for a second she will learn to climb our chairs (happened two days ago. I turned around and she was chilling in our Ikea chair just looking at me like "Hey Mom. What's up?". Today she tried the Glider and was not successful.)
I know that she has some innate sense of when David is home. The second the door opens she knows immediately whether it is Laura Beth or David. When it's David, she immediately stops her activity and toddles over to hug him.
I know that if I ask her to "Give Mama a kiss" she will open her mouth and stick her toungue on my lips. Gross? yes. But still the sweetest thing in the world.

And finally, I know that when she falls and when she is hurt she always wants Mama. That lets me know that all I really need to be Unsinkable is to keep on keepin' on and the Lord will get me where I need to go.

Oh, and in case this was way too sappy for you, let me leave you with this. I also know that if you are wearing a clean shirt she will look at you and give you the most beautiful smile you have ever seen and then promptly toss her mornings meal upon you. Leaving you to smell like the most foul, rotten thing you can imagine.

Kids are great.

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Back In The Day Posts

I'll be out of pocket this week, enjoying some cooler weather and a handful of mountains, so for your reading enjoyment, this week I'll be posting some of my archives from my very first year of blogging, circa 2005. Well, okay, not circa, exactly 2005. Anyways...

September 28, 2005

Licking Your Own Spit Up (or Why My Daughter Is Disgusting)

All I can say is...Ew. Ew Ew Ew.

Upon having a child, one is inundated with various pieces of advice "Sleep when the baby sleeps", "share household responsibilities for the first few weeks", "Enjoy it they grow up so fast", "Breastfeed until they are at least 12 months old", "Bottlefeed as soon as possible", "Co-Sleep","Get that child in it's own room NOW", "Come as soon as they cry", "Let them cry it out, it won't kill them", etc. But no one, NO ONE, tell you to attack your child with a paper towel as soon as they spit up or else they will become curious and try to eat it.

2 p.m. The Living Room

I was innocently watching television (I think it was some woodworking show on PBS or maybe Mr Rogers) when I looked up to check on the playing tot. She is usually occupied by herself (she doesn't always play well with others) with her toys. Today I looked up and saw that she was not by her toys, she was under a kitchen chair. She looked up at me, and puked. Yes, puked. Spit up everywhere. I just sat there a moment, wondering what could have caused this as she hadn't eaten in awhile, and in that split second it happened. Tot looked down and saw the mess on her leg, stuck her finger in it, raised her finger to her mouth and licked it off. Then she looked up at me and grinned, like it tasted good or something. It was all I could do not to throw up in response. What held me back was the realization that she would most likely see it as an invitation to snack and I wouldn't be able to clean it up in time to prevent the feast.

So dear readers, the moral of the story is to immediately respond when your child spits up. Seriously, you just can't move fast enough.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Back In The Day Posts

I'll be out of pocket this week, enjoying some cooler weather and a handful of mountains, so for your reading enjoyment, this week I'll be posting some of my archives from my very first year of blogging, circa 2005. Well, okay, not circa, exactly 2005. Anyways...

July 28, 2005

As you can probably tell from the pictures that I put on here, my little girl is getting much bigger. And if you've read my previous posts, you know that food has always been a hot button issue between us. I've been silent on this for awhile because we have been locked in a battle of wills. It seems that I am the only one who thinks that eating is a necessary part of the growing up process. The Tot, on the other hand, seems to be content drinking her bottles and eating bits of paper and carpet that she comes across. Apparently, to her this more than fulfills her nutritional requirements of the day. Needless to say, I do not share this opinion. This is an account of our encounters.

Noon. The Highchair.

"It's Lunch Time, Tot. Yea!!" I try to infuse my words with a permeating sense of excitement hoping that she will be tricked into thinking that she really is interested in lunch and today she might actually have a vegetable. She smiles at me from her seated position and begins to wave her arms frantically in circles. Sometimes they meet in a clap, but most often they do not. I'm not pushing her too hard in this, I figure she'll clap eventually and until then her "Snoopy Clap" is awfully cute. "Let's have some pureed vegetables and chicken! Yummy!! Open wide - ahhhhh". Once again, I am thwarted by someone that weighs less than backpack. It will never cease to amaze me how a child's jaws can be so strong. When The Tot decides to clamp those things down only the Lord Himself could open them. And probably not with a spoon. In fact, I have only succeed in doing this with my index finger and only then when I have caught her moving her mouth suspiciously indicating that she has put something on the floor in there. The last time it was an ant head that she had pulled off of some unsuspecting traveler trying to make it to the kitchen. I caught her seconds before it entered her mouth. But back to the story.

I try sneaking the spoon into the side of her mouth. No luck. I try opening my mouth and making sounds "ooohhhhoooooooohaaaahhhheeeeee" and try to get her to make them, too, in the hopes that I can sneak in the spoon. Nothing. And then she grins. And laughs. My own little Tot is mocking her Mother's inability to feed her. That's great.

Eventually I give up the baby food and toss some Cheerios on the tray as a last ditch effort to get her to eat something. She gobbles them up. The rat. I put some chunks of pears down. She mushes them between her fingers and throws a majority of them on the floor, but manages to eat some of them. Then we try lunchmeat. This is tricky. She has a hard time picking it up off the tray so I hand her a piece. Success is mine. I now try the ultimate test. Peas. I put some on the tray, now a total mess of mushy cheerios and dry lunchmeat mixed with pear juice, and I let her chase them around. All five are eaten swiftly.

I have triumphed!! Oh yes, I have tasted the sweetness of victory and it is a heady drink. We have now conquered four of the food groups!!! Fruits? Success. Protein? Victory. Grains? Triumph. And Vegetables? The item that I have battled since the days of Chicken and Broccoli?? Total Domination.

Now the only thing left to battle with is Dairy. But that my friends, is another day.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Back In The Day Posts

I'll be out of pocket this week, enjoying some cooler weather and a handful of mountains, so for your reading enjoyment, this week I'll be posting some of my archives from my very first year of blogging, circa 2005. Well, okay, not circa, exactly 2005. Anyways...

July 30, 2005

This evening David, Scott and I went to an "Authentic German Restaurant" by the name of Edelweiss. We had never been before, but felt that tonight was as good as any to try something new. After traversing what well may be the worst highway in the Greater Fort Worth area (TX 138), we finally arrived at our destination. At first glance, it appeared to be housed in what looked like a strip mall. It was nestled between the "Check N Cash" and "Casa Hernandez" just in case at any point of the evening you decided that Weisswurst was not the way to go and you'd rather pay for your questionable fajitas with cash. Needless to say, upon viewing Edelweiss, my expectations were not high.

After entering the establishment, I was mostly put at ease. The decor was a nice mix of Classic German and Classic Grandmother. Honestly, it looked like my grandparents living room with the exception of the Polka Bandstand and the Beer Steins. Pardon me, the Bier Steins. And that the servers were wearing Lederhosen.

We then met our waiter, who had an exceptionally thick Texas accent and looked like Lance Armstrong. He recommended some Jaeger Schnitzel and some Spaetzle, which turned out to be pretty good pork loin and small noodles smothered in mushrooms and onions. I couldn't complain.

The complaining came when the Polka Master decided that it was audience participation time. Oh yes, it was time for the Chicken Dance, That lovely tune most popular at Weddings, Roller Rinks and, apparently, Authentic German Restaurants. Since today was David's 26th birthday and we have a basic policy that states "The Person to whom the Day of Birth belongs, has final veto power regarding said evenings activities and minor preferential issues." This basically means that what the Birthday Boy wants the Birthday Boy gets. So the Birthday Boy decided that he wanted me to do the Chicken Dance. Now, to be fair, he danced with me. However, his definition of dancing comprised of jerking me around on the floor with a giant grin plastered to his face knowing full well that while he was embarrassing himself, I was embarrassed even more.

To those of you who know me well, you will wonder why I didn't just go along with it as I am normally prone to doing. Well, my inquiring friends, I did. It just goes to prove that Gloria Estefan was indeed correct. Eventually, the rhythm is going to get you. I gathered up my pride and tossed it into the nearest stein and I shook and polka-ed with all the rest, hands clapping, wings clucking and tale-feathers waving. And it was Wunderbar.

We ended the evening with ice cream cake back at the house. I will probably not make it back to Edelweiss any time soon, but I do hear that there is an Indian restauant in Dallas....

Monday, October 20, 2008

Back In The Day Posts

I'll be out of pocket this week, enjoying some cooler weather and a handful of mountains, so for your reading enjoyment, this week I'll be posting some of the posts from my very first year of blogging, circa 2005. Well, okay, not circa, exactly 2005. Anyways...

May 3, 2005 - The Very First Post

Well, I figured that since I am home all day with our little Tot, that I would jump on the Xanga bandwagon and get my own site. It's been great to see what the guys have all been up to, so I thought I'd let the world into my life as a stay at home mom.

I just realized today at lunch time how little credit I was giving my daughter . We were embarking upon the world of broccoli and chicken baby food and shortly thereafter we entered into a battle of wills. I knew she needed vegetables. She knew she thought they tasted like crap. If I were to be truly honest, I wouldn't blame her. Who wants to eat pureed broccoli and chicken at room temperature while strapped to a wooden chair?

Not I.

Regardless, it was vegetables she needed, so vegetables she was going to get. I poked the spoon. She pursed her lips. I stressed, she cried. I retreated. She cried some more. I got out the camera figuring that if nothing else I could get a funny crying baby picture. But the moment I tried to capture her rage, she saw the camera and broke out into the most beautiful smile you have ever seen. The little rat. I put the camera down hoping to swiftly put some food in her mouth but the moment the camera was down she started to cry again. We repeated this about five more times before I gave up.

The score? Taylor - 1 Mom - 0. This was not shaping up to be a good meal.

I retreated back to the pantry when inspiration struck in the form of advice from my own mother. Trick her. Yes, that's the idea. I will play with her mind! I got a jar of her favorite fruit (pureed apples and plums. yech.) and proceeded towards her. She was still crying, but I knew I had her right where I wanted her. I slipped a spoonful of plums in her mouth and she looked up with suprise and I detected a slight gleam of victory in her eyes. If she only knew. Then I doubled back into the broccoli and chicken and when she anticipated the plums and opened her mouth willingly I slipped the offending food in. Hah!! Victory! I worked this Mommy Magic a few more times, switching between the foods, and then she caught on. But not before a half jar of broccoli and chicken was emptied.

Score? Taylor - 1 Mom - 1. I am on my way.

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Thankful Thursday

Good Morning Friends! It is a Good Day. It's chilly outside, I'm about to make myself a wee bit o hot chocolate, and the kids are pleasantly playing together. At some point last night both kids made their way into our bed and we all slept snug as bugs in our Queen bed. Dave cuddling Little David and me cuddling Tot. As irritating as it can be for a kid to jump in bed with you when all you want is to go to sleep in peace, there is nothing quite like everyone waking up at the same time and snuggling and laughing and talking for another hour under the covers.

So, in honor of this nice little morning, I give you - Thankful Thursday. Today I am thankful:

1. For my morning snuggles with my family. Love the family bed. In small, infrequent doses.

2. For my hot chocolate that I'm drinking from my Unsinkable mug that Cheryl gave me for my birthday last year.

3. That TONIGHT I leave to go on an actual, real live, vacation (Dave worked all through our Indiana trip). I'm totally stoked about getting seven days in a row with no house hold chores, husband around every minute, and mountains in the background. I am so, so grateful.

4. That Tot has such a desire to be clean, that twice in the past two days I've found her with a cup of shampoo in her hair and her trying to wash it out in the sink. Sigh. If nothing else, her hair is very shiny.

5. For Little David being a ham. This morning in bed he suddenly yelled out "NAKEE!! NO DI-PERRRR! MWAH HA HA HA" (seriously) and we yanked the covers down and of course he had secretly pulled off the diaper tags and was laying there naked as the day he was born, but with the ability to pee in much larger quantities. Quick as a whip, I got the diaper back on and he says "Aw. No nakee anmore."

6. For Dave wearing his cute little man pajamas. They are actually just sweatpants from Old Navy with no elastic and a draw tie, but they are so snuggly adorable that I could just pinch him.

7. That we get to go on our trip with Dave's parents and his sister. I definitely hit the jack pot when it comes to in-laws. They aren't weird, they aren't pushy, I genuinely like to hang out with them, and they keep Dr. Pepper in their house for me. And cookie dough. What more could you ask for?!?

8. For Colbie Callait's CD - Coco. I've been listening to it non stop since my birthday and I LOVE it. I think of her as a girl version of Jack Johnson/Jason Mraz-ish type singers. Total greatness.

9. My new socks. They have arch support and they are awesome.

10. Scott and Cheryl being the most rock star awesome friends who are feeding and medicating our dogs while we are gone. It's a hugely awesome thing for them to help us out it (especially because Bear has to have medicine in the morning and the evening) and we think that they are the best friends in the whole world. We will totally invite them to our next wedding.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

We Call This...Good Day.

I have, for the moment, shrugged off any duties (tee hee) that I may feel and am sitting perfectly content. My tummy is full of a yummy lunch and an equally yummy DDP (yeah, you know me), the kids are quietly asleep in the room that they now share (Little David's room is now a play room), it's cool-ish outside, it's raining and I leave for my second vacation in as many weeks on Friday. I have no bake cookies in the fridge and a decent novel waiting for me on the couch.

As I said, we call this good day.


Tell me friends, how has your day been good today?

Monday, October 13, 2008

Busy, Busy, Dreadfully Busy

So, I'm going to totally cheat and do a picture post. I may come back and add captions later, but for now, you'll just have to guess :) Also, the pictures are in completely random order and do not reflect the actual sequence of our trip. Not that you were worried about that, but still.


Yes, that is Little David picking his nose.


The fam with Dad and his wife, Tamara.
Also, I will apologize right now for my apparent decision to pose like a tool.
Also, I think Little David is picking his nose again.






My dad and Pappaw playing with the kids underneath the best tree in the universe.
















I am so contemplative.